Around Thanksgiving last year, in a fit of I don’t know what, I decided to give this writing thing another try. I’m pretty sure I told myself this time will be different. Just like the countless times I attempted it in the last 20+ years (I wonder if my old livejournal entries are still floating around somewhere). This time I’ll be learning something. I’ll do this on my own terms. I even bought a hosting plan, got a new url, and hosted my own version of WordPress. Today is April 23rd and this is the first time I’ve really messed with it.
A lot of things happened since I took this on. I made some hard decisions around my physical health (I may or may not write about this in the future), I didn’t rage quit my job over winter break, but I did get laid off right before I took off to visit family in early March.
I’ve been adrift since I stopped working. Took the opportunity to do more health stuff, which concluded this weekend. It took a pretty big mental toll, but I’m starting to feel myself again. I keep circling back to my original question on what do I actually want to do. I no longer feel passionate about the profession I excelled at. Attempts to use the skills I’ve accumulated over the years on the job on my life just feels manic (I will absolutely talk about this). A sense of dread creeps up on me every time I see a job posting with a job I would be good at, but I’m nowhere close to being excited about. I’m lucky to have a very supportive partner who is incredibly patient with me. He has given me the time and space to think things through.
The long and short of it is that I have a lot of interests and I’m good at a lot of things, but nothing I’m particularly passionate about. The reason why I named this site Fridge Full of Sauces is to unpack both mentally and physically. Everyone has this, a cache of things we’ve accumulated over time. Things that seemed fresh and exciting at the time. Things I had plans for. Things people have given me to try or offload. To the point where the space is so packed that I no longer know why I have those things at the first place. I want to pull out those things and really examine them. Should I still have this? What can I do with this? Am I still interested in this? What is a way for me to let things go that I’m ok with?
More to come.
Leave a Reply